假日從去年開始漸漸變短
每個月以三天的長週末作為比例
往往就花了半天的時間在巴士上渡過
因此偶爾都會利用一天的時間不睡覺
然後再善用半天那六分之一的時間來補眠(命苦)
面壁思過很多次以後我告訴自己
來年應該要開始揮霍到處流浪
結果航空機票凌晨拋售的第一刻
我還是壓抑不了自己潛意識的魔鬼驅使...
媽我又要回來了~
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday, July 03, 2010
雨天一直很想陪伴你
女巫店本周(又是)雙子座劃小黑叉說:健康下滑
就知道有一些東西像是冥冥中注定的一樣躲不過
好像不管你一直深信只要定時吃維他命
不需要鍛鍊身體也能維持健康的道理
還是依然會不經意的病倒然後再漸漸的好起來
好像不管即使你學會游泳
還是依然會不小心的被淹溺然後無恙
雖然這個跟健康似乎可有也可無關係
不合時宜的傾盆大雨
在短短一個月內下了好幾次
習慣成自然以後大家也不再稀奇
感覺雨天一直很想陪伴在你身邊
就這樣
額頭微燙的雨天早晨
我寬容了自己一天的假期
有人說:還不快點肥家!
我說:快了快了!!!
parts: little mini adventure, 小心易碎
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
對於死亡你有什麽看法?
上個周末午餐之後爸爸淋著雨跑去拿車
我們在他打開車門以後第一時間跟著沖上車
回到家以後難得沒有睡意我連續看了兩部關於死亡的電影
首先是〈死神的精准度〉,
帥哥阿武領主演的果然是比較難以抗拒所以趕快先看
跟現實一樣雨在戯裏戯外都一直在下
然後是〈送行者〉,
既使不是在宮崎駿大師的動畫裡出現的Joe Hisashi的樂曲
也奇妙地讓人感同身受似的跟著情節流淚
日本的冬天像是撼動著吉隆坡雨天天氣的溫度一樣慢慢地在下降著。
晚餐以後雨還很長命地一直在下個不停
(爸爸依然重復著上午的超人招牌動作)
我慶幸在一天之内淋了兩次雨的自己沒有病倒。
對於死亡的看法
我僅有的最深刻的印象只是處於十多年前外婆過世時的點滴
人漸漸變老的時候
死亡也就變得像是一件再理所當然不過的事
是遲與早的關係罷了
不管你多麽不甘心離開或身邊的人多麽不捨得。
雖然媽媽也常常告訴我說
棺材不是用來裝老人而是裝死人的
除了一些不可避免的意外
也借此要讓我明白好好照顧自己的身體最重要
健康才是最大的財富的道理我其實有聼進去
現階段只是正在努力學習進步當中
而在這個周末來臨之際
工作下班以後我終于遇見了久未謀面的好友愛貞
萬萬沒想到相隔兩年之後我們會是因此而再碰面的
面對身生離死別一點切身經驗都沒有的我們
碰面時應該抱頭痛哭還是怎樣我真的不曉得如何是好
當然碰面時的我們沒有抱頭痛哭
一路上我只是負責專心的駕車儘快把她送回家
而慧雯負責指路並時時叮嚀我哪裏開快車了或需要讓路
一路上我們都只談了一些無關痛癢的事
敏感的話題也只是圍繞著接下來的路應該這麽走
葬禮在什麽時候,我們待會兒住宿如何解決,她在英國的時候感冒了等等
CD大概重復播放了三遍以後我們便抵達了葬禮的會館
她一個箭步下車以後快速地走向了靈堂
留下我們兩個跟在後頭向一堆穿著素衣的陌生人頻頻點頭苦笑
點了清香祭拜自己才數天未見的父親以後
她消失在靈堂后好陣子才紅著眼睛平淡地走了出來
然後靜靜地跪在她弟弟的身邊向我們家孎謝禮
也許是媽媽前幾年去世過後所累積下來的人生經驗吧
她的一切動作都顯得太過極其自然的瀟灑讓我忽然不習慣
沒有眼淚。只有平靜。
是誰規定失去換來的一定是歇斯底里的痛苦和悲哀?
領悟得太早的生離死別我想我從來都不會明白我也不想要去明白
那一晚,思維很複雜地滲著抽泣聲和眼眶打滾的淚水往夜裏更深的地方蔓延下去
我們都好難過。
對於死亡的看法
除了這些
還剩下什麽?
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Saturday, June 09, 2007
we're all alone
Sunday, December 17, 2006
蝴蝶来过这世界

感冒蔓延了一个星期又四天,医生看过了,药也吃完了,就这样我每天熬着。即使皮肤再烂再丑,尽管自己再累再无力,我实在不愿待在家里多一刻,我想我休息够了。 回忆上一次的感冒,已经事过三个月,但记忆依清晰。记得当初病得最重时,除了发烧伤风咳嗽,我还是半聋听不见的,都是搭飞机那气压惹的祸。于是我答应了同伴们我会好好呆在家里吃药,睡觉,休息,但最终,不安分的灵魂依然冒着细雨,独个出走。
秋天已凉的午后,伦敦街头依然喧哗热闹,人流始终不减。坐在双层巴士上,再次经过的泰晤士河的景色美不胜收。虽然比不上布拉格的古典美,但繁华都市窜流的文明气息,始终让我暂时忘了自己正病着。下了车,我就依靠着仅有的一张地图和淡薄的记忆,没有目的地的开始在街头游走。就算是上个星期前走过很多遍的那条回家的路,路痴的我时而还会走错。
路过的人群事物,都让我目不暇给,若是待在家里,实在太对不起自己。大街上,艺术学院的学生们在玻璃窗柜里表演‘活人洗澡’,略带羞涩的男演员只敢望着墙角;地下道,女生独自一人深情的演绎着高音的歌剧曲子,没有伴奏地如此纯粹;小巷里,手握拐杖的老婆婆停下脚步,向站在街角抽泣的女人问道“Are you alright?”,女人扁着嘴但仍然默默的点头,拭着眼泪然后离开。 在这繁杂绚烂的城市里,每个人都用着不同的方式去生存着,所有的故事好像都从这里开始,漫延开来。
走着走着,我又来到了博物院,梦寐以求的‘美女与野兽’图书馆就在这里。开心兴奋过后,开始觉得梦幻破灭,童话故事也不过如此而已,世上并没有美女与野兽般浪漫的伟大爱情故事。所以这次我选择只在那花园歇一歇脚。天很高很灰,微风悠悠吹来,带着淡淡的青草味,心也跟着凉了一些。
吃完了一块巧克力以后,天空开始飘起绵绵细雨,只有一些好像我这样无聊的人留下而已。 雨很细,天很冷,我在明信片上小心翼翼的刻写着一些祝福语,虽然还没寄出,却先感动了自己。忘了时差,我忍不住拨了几个没人回应的电话,但最终接通了。这种距离往往让人有不能呼吸的感觉,温热的手掌也因此而顿时冷却了。电话那头,传来了熟悉的叽喳声,即使眼睛充满了泪水,但却能让我嘴角继续上扬。 回家的前一夜,我觉得自己变得轻盈了一些。
回忆着逝去却依然怀念的时光,
依恋平行线在季节更迭时交错的日子,
美丽的蝴蝶的确来过这甜暖的世界。
...我期待着自己不药而愈。
Monday, November 20, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
arrested in summer
Here I am finally stepping on the ground of the United Kingdom. As happy as i am to be here finally after the exciting and restless 16-hours of flight. I am all sad, excited, anxious and happy to be in this brand new territory. Sad as I never being aparted from home, never. Excited as this will be the first time I'm going to fly and live out in a strange place all-by-myself. Anxious, as I'm so uncertain of how is it like to juggle between my studies and manage my life here alone in a short 3 months time. Of course, happy!! I have two other companions, Fei Wen and Joanne who will fly together with me. So much happy as I knew it's going to be a memorable once in a life time experience and who can wait for the enthralling Europe trip ahead... France, Belgium, Czech, Italy, Austria, Germany... here I come, so wait for me ok! hehe...
First day: 1st June: Manchester - Sheffield
It didn't cost us much time to pass by the immigration as I heard before. After we touched down at the Manchester Airport, our friend Wei Shiong was already there to pick us up to Sheffield, a place of where he's living now. Besides, we were all given a toy to hug-through-the-night as a welcome gift, so nice~ Fei Wen got her Ryan lion, Jo got her Paddy teddy bear, and I got a sadomasochistic bear... which comes from a family call bad taste bear!! hahaha...
not-so-huggable Buffy and I... haha...
Despite of the tiredness, we can't rest more because the night activities in Sheffield were just too much and fantastic to be explored in a short two days time. And so, the night we arrived, we were brought to watch our FIRST EVER STRIPPER SHOW!! It's a MALE stripper show in a small pub and you wouldn't believe that it only cost one pound fifty (RM10.50) to watch the show that lasted for 15minutes! Eye-opening indeed! hahaha...
It's freezing cold that night. 11 degree celcius to my imagination before was aiya-okla... but in fact, I shivered all the way back home that night after the show...
2nd June: Friday: Around Sheffield
We had our first traditional English breakfast in UK, that cost us 2 pound fifty (RM17.50). And it considered CHEAP already... (guess how broke my life would be like the next few months if I ever try to eat out...it's really a big no no) Anyway, this breakfast is so fulfilling compare to the first meal we had when we reached UK, which was MAGEE MEE... pity*
After that, our new made friend Pei Pei, a very kind big sis who made us magee mee and chicken wings brought us sight-seeing around Sheffield. We've been to a place with a beautiful fountain where kids were playing around, that's called Peace Garden if I'm not wrong. That was a sunny day and many ang moh all lazing down on the lawn, enjoy being sun-tanned. In the noon time, Wei Shiong spent us a luxurious buffet lunch in the Chinese restaurant that he's working currently, we're fed to the max and we cannot finish it all... =p too lavish!
Later in the afternoon, I met with my long lost primary school mate Siow Lee, who's now studying in Sheffield University. That feeling was undescribable as you've not met up with a friend for so long and now you met her in this faraway place in UK, but I'm sure that's happy one. She had cooked us a lovely dinner that's totally unplanned - Tom Yam fried mee hon. That's a lovely home cook meal and the portion of the mee hon is so big (look at the pic) and I actually finished it all... I guess, it's when my appetite started to get too well here hahahaha... I ate a lot!!
Not to be able to linger too long in Siow Lee's place, we rushed to meet all the mates at home who're waiting for us to PARTY... gosh, when can I rest a little longer? noooo... slowly and achingly I dragged my feet to the chilly street which was like miles away, from pub to club, I almost dead cause the next morning we're going to wake up at 4am to go back to the Manchester airport, in order to be sent to the exact place of where we're supposed to belong to the next few months- LIVERPOOL!
3rd June: Saturday: LIVERPOOL
Compare to the journey to Sheffield, we had a not so pleasant journey way back to Liverpool. Despite the fact that it's where we get the studies all that stuff started here, the University coordinators that were supposed to be here to help were non-helpful. When we reached there at our Marybone Project hostel, all our big luggages were left behind in the bus, and so I've to climb in myself to dig the luggage out (freaking 30kg) and then lost our way to find our hostel. FLAT 7, PHASE 2, with common sense, we went to PHASE 2, 7th FLOOR and then found our way wrong. Tugging all the luggage down to the student office again and that shitty Malaysian guy helper gave us a "oh you so stupid" look, "flat 7 you duno meh? 7 divide by 2, how much? 4 la... you guys are living in 4th floor".......... WTH..... 7 divided by 2 is 4???? who teach you geh??lucky us, we had Ah Fang and Kelvin around to help us with the luggages or else we die die gotta go up and down for few times to carry our luggages. Thank you guys...
We're so lucky again, cause on the day we arrived, there's Mayor Parade having down the street. I'm so lucky, cause I was assigned to the biggest room of all 5. Anyone who wanna come visit me??
4th June: Sunday: Birthday in Liverpool
It's Sunday and it's my birthday. Due to the 7 hours time difference, I woke up early to make phone call back to Malaysia. Happily as I talk over the phone with my family and I walked out of my room and guess what with my key left in the room and DOOR LOCKED!! Fei Wen and I ran down to the student office at once and the staff came following us to our hostel to unlock the door for me, phew.... lucky me~ and until the time when I was requested to fill in a form, I then realize today was my birthday... Have I been such oblivious before? Nope... I was just too numb to it.
And then, we went out to find our way to our University using only the MAP provided. It took us exactly 30 minutes walking distance to the University; if there's without this kinda chilly and windy weather, I guess I'll just pengsan halfway through... haha... But it's cool cause the largest church in UK and Europe - Liverpool Anglican Church is just located right beside our university. However, our library is even further, will take about 5 minutes walk from our uni, so all in all, each day I'm going to spend more than ONE HOUR on walking... just walking at the premises on I do not lose my way or being attracted to stop by at some spot... hmmpph... Good thing about walking so much is that, I can exercise after I ate so much hehe...
As for my birthday, it's a beautiful solitude for me to celebrate it alone in my room with my cup noodle night before and roti again for the breakfast. There's none singing birthday song for me today. Sound ke lian but I was quite happy as friends around still remember my birthday... even some not so familiar acquaintances had come up and greet me happy birthday. The heart of remembering this small little thing can certainly warm me much throughout the chilly and out-of-place day. Thanks people... for the dinner, I cooked myself instant Japanese Ramen that I brought from Malaysia and then I went to bed.
5th & 6th June: Monday & Tuesday: Induction day
It's all that boring shit of getting ourselves prepared for the coming week's studies. All that shit... cause I was so in holiday mood, you teach me how to tune to a study mood in a matter of a week time, tell me how? The weight of the three key text books were as heavy as my heart... Can I finish it all in a matter of, 14 weeks to be exact??
Cruel fact: 30min of walk to Uni... somemore got a lots of slope going up and down along the way... phewwww... it reminded me of the days when I was studying in secondary school, I had to walk for 10 minutes also, there's also a disgusting steep slope way back to my house... urghhhh... And now, after years of not walking, all these challenges multiplied!!
Oya, I again locked myself out of my room for the second time, and this time I was locked out of my room half a day waiting people in the office to help... it's so not fun to be locked out!!!!! I swore that it's gonna be the last time, last time!!
7th June: Wednesday: Social Trip
My University had arranged us a trip to North Wales, yay!! The crooked road took us about 2 hours of drive to reach there, it was a small village with a strange name called Betws-y-Coed. The scenery was so nice, seeing many ang moh walked their doggie in the park (all the doggie here have bigger size than the ones in Malaysia ahaha) and old folks came in bus, in wheel chair or crutch, they will still come out for a walk and chat, that's so lovely... Weather there is nicer, chilly wind and hot sun~ Before we headed back to hostel, we went to Conwy Castle of where the ghost stories in Liverpool began... spooky* Again, we took lotsa pictures teehee...
8th June: Thursday: Tesco is our 'Second Home'
Except the studies, I was so bothered about the meal each day... Seriously I can't survive on bread, for a week or so it'll still be ok, but not for months... I never liked bread and fact is bread was the main course meal here! I started to miss the nasi lemak and chicken rice in Malaysia. Everyday without miss I'll eat bread, don't ask me why la... I LIKE BREAD MA... fuiyoooo... Everyday since I came down here, my housemates and I will shop in Tesco without miss! I'll be getting quite sick if I have to go to Tesco for the grocery everyday yet I don't have the strength to carry back all those stuff at once... kill me ba... And that's why, roti roti roti... easy and fast! ANYWAY, we had already bought RICE, yay~ and we got rice cooker which can not only cook rice, but steamboat, boil soup, bah kut teh etc etc.. that you can think of, uak uak uak! From Sunday onwards, we will have rice to eat... every Wed, Fri and Sunday... I'm such a fan tong! =p
9th June: Friday: Ferry to Wirral
This was our first ever personal trip in Liverpool. 9 in the morning, 7 of us, all gals walked to the dock to catch the earliest ferry to Wirral. There we reached Birkenhead, a small town again and out of the plan we visited the oldest church in Wirral, that's called Priory of Birkenhead. Unfortunately, the church was open quite late at 1pm and so we only can linger outside the church. It's like an abandoned church with lots of tombstones, and yet we still happily snapping pictures around, cannot tahan us...
Today was the hottest day since I came, the sun ray was as strong as the wind, and I felt like I could almost being blown away into the poisonous sea when I stood on the board of the ferry. The sea look like mud water, i'll be poisoned to dead rather than drown if I fell into it... the seasides in Malaysia are way too much prettier I guarantee! skies in Malaysia are BLUE and skies here are definitely incomparable to it, cause it's always pale and grey...
In the afternoon, we had our lunch in Hamilton square, a park that looks so unlike Titiwangsa hahaha. It's funny for us to picnic together for the first time here in this park. haha... Under such a nice weather, picnic is a must ok!! However, we might look a little odd here as we purposely sat under a shady tree whereas all the other ang mohs lied themselves down the sunlight... what a big contrast! We didn't want to be tanned la, in fact we had lots more SUNLIGHT back in Malaysia... all free for 365 days a year!
The weather was getting hotter and hotter, and so for the last spot of my day, we went to Tate Art Gallery... well, finally had the chance to see some of the pieces of Picasso myself BUT forgive me that I don't know how to appreciate it... =p What a tired day! I had lotsa nice pics now! heheh... Well after the day trip, I was tanned, I guess bean curd will turn into a bar of chocolate so soon~ =S
At the same day, the World cup was kicked off in Germany! Even being 1 hour difference apart, certainly I can feel the fever and it was much more intense compare to the time when it happened in Malaysia!! The whole block of hostel was like shuddering with all the boisterous applause whenever there's a goal scored... And I had a friend, Ming Chun who actually bet on the opening game, chiseen fever!! Could you believe that he even brought mahjong all the way to UK?!! chiseen lan dou guai! haha...
10th June: Saturday: I want to rest, I don't want to eat bread no more
It's weekend and my feet badly need some rest seriously. My right ankle has been achingly all this while and I knew it's because of the reason that I rarely exercise before and suddenly when I came here, I need to walk for at least an hour EVERYDAY... The muscle was torn I guess. So I need to rest... while all the housemates were out, went to library, to China town, to pak tor... and I'm here all alone, I can have the house all myself! Anyway, the wind is very strong today as I can heard the wind grazing my window with such a spooky sound, my door keep banging itself... -_-lll Watching the world cup with England vs Paraguay at home alone, so not fun... cehhh~
For those who wonder what I eat here, the answer is --- ROTI. Bread is mainly all I had for my meal since I came UK, it's the cheapest and easiet to make: take out the bread, spread jam and you there you go. However, it's been a week plus and I'm getting sick of it... And I want to cook something special today for my dinner... SO, wait and see how it turns out k... stay tuned bye now...
*Oppss, happy 22nd birthday to Fei Wen... hope that your internet access will get fixed soon and also my water heater... I'm stink!!



